Why Are We So Out of Touch?

I'm going to begin this entry with some definitions to avoid confusion about what I'm saying about this very touchy subject. When I say "eroticism," I am referring to contact that, intentionally or not, has a sexual component. When I say "sensuality," (I haven't looked in the dictionary . . . this is my working definition) I mean the NON-SEXUAL bodily contact that all animals require to maintain their psychological health.

And now to get to my point. Americans are so freaked out -- and with very good reason -- about child abuse, that we carry our caution to extremes and deny our kids the sensual contact that they -- and we -- need.

Strangely enough, I guess I began thinking about this when I was lying in bed with my dogs. I get immense sensual pleasure from being close to them and stroking them, but I certainly do NOT want to have sex with them. As I said, and as psychologists have proven, non-erotic touch benefits animals in general and humans in specific.

Of course this means that children need to be touched. They need to be hugged and kissed and caressed in appropriate ways. Many years ago, I had a job as a teacher's assistant for a kindergarten class in a Los Angeles public school. Very early on, the teacher told me that under no circumstances should I let a child sit on my lap because of the potential for misinterpretation by a parent or other adult. While I agree that the teacher did me a favor by warning me about the danger, I also thought, "How very, very sad that we live in a world where an adult can't let a 5-year-old child sit on his lap." And how tragic the loss of opportunities for healthy connection.

But what can we do? Child abuse is a very common and very serious problem. As I've said in other entries, I have no solution to offer, but I think it's important to realize what we are missing and think about what it's doing to us and our children.